Monday

As always, I am up at 5.30am to take our two beagles for their morning constitutional before returning home to get ready for work.  I can honestly say that I have never dreaded going to work throughout my 42 years with Wathalls and I particularly love the journey into Ashbourne since I have been branch manager here as the beautiful scenery along the country roads always puts a smile on my face.

I spend the morning catching up on any outstanding matters with the funerals that I am personally arranging or those that I will be conducting during the coming week.

I then take a call from a local family who have sadly lost their elderly relative and take as much information as I can before arranging to go to their home the following evening to take the full instructions.  The majority of the Ashbourne funerals are at churches and church graveyards and this is no exception so I contact the vicar immediately to check on availability so that a date can be confirmed and all the arrangements can be finalised at the meeting with the family.

Tuesday

I am conducting a funeral this morning for an Ashbourne family so I get in bright and early to be ready for the day.  I contacted the family yesterday to check they were alright and to run through the details of the cremation service at Markeaton.  The florist delivers the flowers and then my colleagues arrive with the hearse and two limousines.  We drive over to the house to collect the family and make our way to Markeaton Crematorium.  The sons and grandsons are the pall bearers so I ensure they are comfortable holding the coffin. One of the many tips that Bill taught me was to wait for a moment at the entrance door and look behind to ensure all the family are in place and we make our way into the chapel.  I guide the family to their seats and then show them out at the end of the service before taking them back to a local community centre for the wake which is when I take my leave.

I am one of three colleagues at Wathall’s who conducts as well as arranges funerals. I enjoy the variety that the dual role brings and the families also appreciate the continuity of dealing with one person throughout. I started work at Wathall’s as a young lad – making coffins at the workshop in Macklin Street and then started driving. I was made a funeral conductor in my mid twenties and, in those days I was considered quite young for the role.  However, Bill Wathall, my boss at the time and father of our MD Helen Wathall, said I showed promise and took me under his wing and the rest – as they say – is history.

Wednesday

I am in the office all day today and have two very different meetings in the diary.  The first is to arrange a funeral on Zoom with a gentleman’s son and daughter who both live at opposite ends of the country.  This is an option which has continued since the pandemic when we were not allowed to have meetings face to face and it is a good way of ensuring that everyone’s views and wishes are taken into consideration.

The next meeting is with a family in the office who have a very clear idea of what they want for the funeral of their father.  When I first started in this job, funerals were very much prescribed by the vicar but times have very much changed.  The deceased was a huge music fan and the family have chosen his favourite songs to be played in the church.  They have also chosen a stylised coffin to reflect his taste in music.  We handle all sorts of funerals and both Bill and Helen’s mantra has been that we will sort out anything – as long as it is legal!  The most memorable funeral I have arranged and conducted was for a chap who passed away far too early but was a huge Star Wars fan and had left strict instructions of how he wanted his funeral to be. I will never forget leading the funeral procession alongside someone dressed as Darth Vadar followed by a small army of Storm Troopers.  It set the tone for the funeral as being a wonderful celebration of life.

Thursday

It’s a particularly beautiful day in Ashbourne today and, in between phone calls and emails, I am inspired by the sunshine to create a new window display to be enjoyed by passers by in Union Street which is just off the Market Place.  Having adorned the window with bunting for the past few weeks to mark the King’s coronation, I have created a beach scene to reflect the time of year.  Ashbourne has a particularly strong business community and we all try and make our windows as attractive as possible to mark calendar events and special occasions.  As I go outside to check the final details and have a good sweep up in front of the office, I am stopped by various local people who I know – many of whose family members I have arranged and conducted funerals for – and it is great to catch up on family and local news.

I then open the gates for a colleague to is bringing over a local person who will stay here until the funeral next week and the family have requested that they pay their last respects in the chapel of rest.  This is particularly important for family members or close friends who have not had the chance to see their loved one recently and it is a sad but uplifting moment for them in equal measure.

Back at my desk and, just before I close down the computer and head home, I take the opportunity to read through the local Ashbourne News Telegraph which was delivered yesterday.  Having caught up with the local news it is always good to turn to the sports pages to see how Clifton Cricket Club, who Wathall’s sponsor, are doing this season.

Friday

I have another funeral to conduct today – this time from the Derby office in Macklin Street.  I have already arranged the funeral for the family because, as a team we are all flexible regarding the location and the Derby-based colleagues have been particularly busy in recent weeks.

The extended family and friends are scattered across the UK and even overseas so I have worked with a specialist company to ensure this funeral service in the church can be live-streamed which is another positive throwback from the pandemic. After the service, the family have opted for a burial so I guide the family into the graveyard where one of my main jobs is to pass the box of earth around the family members before returning to the car to take them to the wake.

I work the rest of the day from the Derby office.  It is always good to catch up with colleagues even though, I have to admit, I rather like the quiet of being in the Ashbourne office on my own.  I head home with my wife Lynne who also works at the Derby office and we plan to spend the weekend seeing family on Saturday and then heading out into the countryside on Sunday for lunch and a long walk with the dogs.

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Mother’s Day can bring up many feelings when you’re bereaved – such as envy of those that still have their loved ones, anger that the world is going on even though they’re not here anymore, loneliness, sadness, guilt and many more.

As the day gets closer, reminders are everywhere and it can all feel quite overwhelming so we wanted to put together some tips to help you get through this Mother’s Day:

• Actively remember the person. Whilst it might feel painful to think about the person that has died, chances are they’re going to be in your thoughts anyway, whether you’re conscious of it or not. By doing something to remember the person, you are taking control of the day and facing your grief head on. Your way of remembering them can be as simple as lighting a candle for them or setting aside some time to think about the good times you shared. Some people like to still celebrate the day as they would have if the person was still there, sometimes even setting a place for them at the dinner table. The point is to do what feels right for you.
• Make your plans flexible. There is no way of knowing for certain how you are going to feel on the actual day. Things you thought you couldn’t face might help or the plans you already made might seem like a chore. 
• Communicate with those around you. Because everybody grieves differently, it can be hard to know how best to support each person. By communicating your needs for the day with those around you, you can avoid offence, hurt and confusion if their idea of help is not quite what you need rather having the pressure of pretending adding to an already tricky time.
• Practice self-care. Grief is draining at the best of times and self-care is always important, but even more so on special days such as Mother’s Day. Be kind to yourself and do things that give you a little boost. Treat yourself to a bubble bath, cry if you feel you need to, nap if that’s what feels right and express the feelings that come up for you. You deserve to pamper yourself and treat yourself gently during this time.
• Talk to someone. A simple fact of grief is that talking helps. If you feel you need to, reach out to a friend or relative that you can be completely honest with about how you are feeling and who won’t try and ‘fix’ your problem or turn the conversation into one about them, but who will listen non judgementally and really hear what you are trying to say. Some people find it easier to talk to someone they don’t know for fear of worrying or upsetting those around them. If this is the case, get in touch with an organisation to find the support that suits you best. Our free Dandelions groups and programmes are great for meeting others in a similar situation and our counselling offers the chance to talk one to one and process your feelings at your own pace. There are also helplines available should you want support in that moment, such as the Cruse helpline on 0808 808 1677,  the SANDS helpline 0808 164 3332 or the Samaritans 116 123.
• Journal. Journaling is a wonderfully powerful tool in grief, it’s a consistent outlet for your feelings that is never off duty and non-judgmental. Because the journal is just for you, there are no rules on how you have to use it. You can use it to write letters to the person that has died, or someone you have unfinished business with. Use it to pour out your feelings onto paper, to note things you are grateful for each day or use it to keep track of your moods and identify triggers. There are many ways and uses for your journal and you can mix it up to fit what works for you each day. The journal is just for you, it doesn’t need to be neat or tidy, it doesn’t even have to make any sense, it just needs to allow you to get those feelings out.

We hope that this advice will be helpful to you this Mother’s Day, if you feel you need any further support – whether that is by attending one of the Dandelions groups or booking in with one of our qualified counsellors, please do not hesitate to contact our Bereavement Support Coordinator, Fay Bloor, on 01332 345268 or fay.bloor@wathalls.co.uk

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Helen Wathall has worked in the family business since she was 18. She started at the bottom and has done every aspect of the business during that time.

She has been Managing Director since she was just 29 – taking over the reins of the company on the death of her father Bill.

To be a woman running a funeral business in a traditionally male dominated profession continues to be rare.

In 2003, Helen was elected the first female president of the Society of Allied and Independent Funeral Directors (SAIF) which represents more than 1,000 family-owned firms. During this time, she represented SAIF nationally, dealing with government policy and profession issues.

In 2016, she also became the first female board member of Golden Charter – a pre-paid funeral planning company owned by a group of independent funeral directors. Golden Charter is the UK’s largest funeral plan provider, working with over 3000 funeral directors nationally, and with over 500,000 customers.

More locally in Derby, Helen is the Board Chair of the St Peters Quarter Business Improvement District. 

As a voluntary board member, she has been particularly involved in initiatives to improve the safety, cleanliness, and sense of community in the area. She was instrumental in setting up the Business Watch Scheme in the Macklin Street area, which involves businesses working together to report any crime and anti-social behaviour issues.

Her commitment to the local business community was recognised with the award of an MBE in the New Year’s Honours list 2019.

Helen Wathall has brought a fresh and innovative approach to the funeral industry, both locally and nationally, whilst upholding the values of a long-established family business.

Wathall’s own local community has recently expanded through the addition of branches most recently in Allestree and Chaddesden, which have joined the existing network in Derby, Ashbourne, Alvaston, Borrowash and Burton-on-Trent.

Services have also expanded in line with changing needs and Helen is at the forefront of these developments.

She introduced the free Funeral Wishes service – enabling people of all ages to register their own wishes. This was prompted by her own family not knowing what her father Bill wanted at his own funeral. She has also developed an extended pre-need service to better support families.

A particular initiative, and Helen’s proudest achievement, close to her heart is the company’s bereavement support programme. This has been invaluable to her personally since she lost her fiancé Paul who died suddenly of a heart attack in 2016 at the age of just 50.

Dandelions was originally set up as free support groups meeting in Derby and Ashbourne – supported by Grief Journey programmes throughout the year. The feedback from members and Wathall’s customers has been so positive that the bereavement support has been expanded to better support the local community.

The funeral industry has changed in line with changing social behaviours, and Helen is committed to adapting to keep pace with the desire to have a more bespoke and individual stamp on such an occasion. This includes stylised coffins, video and photographic tributes as part of the service, and ‘eco’ burials. Support and guidance is also in place for families who wish to hold a more simple, low cost, funeral service.

A key innovation and recognition that a funeral should be a celebration of an individual’s life, has been the launch of the partnership with Derby County Football Club to offer supporters the opportunity of unique funeral services and is already having a positive effect on turnover.

Wathall’s has created a bespoke range of funeral options which can include dedicated memorial bricks for ashes, a special floral tribute, coffin sprays featuring the Ram mascot or team shirts, and a unique coffin depicting the main stand at the stadium.

Helen has now been joined in the business by her daughters Bec and Charlotte.

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Visitors to the natural woodland and lake over two weekends in November and December can follow a beautiful trail of sparkling lights, see a rainbow of lasers and delight in a musical  light show on the lake and then enjoy refreshments and stalls.

The latest support from Wathall’s has contributed towards lighting around the contemplation clearing where the company has previously installed a six foot stainless steel dandelion structure and a sturdy oak table and bench for visitors to sit and remember their loved ones.

The illuminated woodland walks will take place between Friday November 25 and Sunday November 27 and then Friday December 2 to Sunday November 4 between 4.30m and 7.15pm.

Helen Wathall MBE is the fifth generation of her family to run Wathall’s which has offices in nearby Ashbourne as well as Allestree, Alvaston, Borrowash, Burton, Chaddesden and Derby.

She said: “Heritage Wood is a popular place to dedicate a tree and we have always enjoyed visiting the natural woodland as a family because it is so peaceful and tranquil and the perfect place to be at one with nature.

“We have, over the years, worked in partnership with Heritage Wood to create a focal point in the contemplation clearing with the dandelion sculpture and bench which are dedicated to the members of our Dandelions bereavement support groups who meet regularly in Ashbourne and Derby.

“I am delighted to now be supporting the illuminated woodland walk which is a popular annual celebration of this special place and look forward to enjoying the uplifting atmosphere with the other visitors.”

Family-owned Heritage Wood was first established in 1988 as an area for people to dedicate a tree to a loved one – either in their memory after they pass away or to mark a milestone in their lives. So far more than 8,000 trees have been planted and there is capacity for almost as many again.

Further information and tickets for the woodland walks are available at www.heritagewood.co.uk

For more information about Dandelions Bereavement Support Service please visit Our Bereavement Support Page or call 01332 345268.

Picture shows: the illuminated dandelion sculpture during last year’s Woodland Walk

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The new branch in Nottingham Road, Chaddesden, joins the existing branch network of Macklin Street in Derby city centre, Allestree, Alvaston, Ashbourne, Borrowash and Burton-on-Trent.

The new branch, managed by long-standing Wathall’s employee Sarah Yeomans, was officially opened this week by two city councillors representing the Chaddesden ward – Jonathan Smale and Jerry Pearce – who welcomed Wathall’s to the area.

Cllr Jonathan Smale said: “It is great to see a well-known family business expanding in the city and particularly into the Chaddesden area.

“Nottingham Road is a thriving business community and I know that the neighbouring businesses will extend a warm welcome to Wathall’s.”

The refurbishment of the building was overseen by business development manager Bec Wathall who is the sixth generation of her family to work in the company.

She said: “There has been a great deal of interest in the office opening – particularly when we uncovered the old post office sign above the front door during the refurbishment.

“We are delighted with the results of the refurbishment which has provided us with a comfortable and easily accessible environment where families can feel at ease as they pre-plan and arrange funerals and visit their loved one in the Chapel of Rest.

“We also have sample memorials and all the information available for our sister company Art Stone Memorials to enable families to choose a lasting memorial to their loved one – whether that is for their own garden or the cemetery where they are laid to rest.”

Managing director Helen Wathall MBE concluded: “I have wanted to open a branch in Chaddesden for sometime to better serve the local community here who have previously come to our other Derby branches.

“We look forward to becoming part of the Chaddesden business community and are particularly grateful to the two local councillors for their warm welcome and good wishes.”

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As part of the Rams’ ongoing relationship with preferred partner Wathall’s, the club confirmed earlier in the season that it would stage two ‘Rams Remember’ fixtures at Pride Park Stadium in the 2021/22 season.

The first took place on Monday 27th December 2021 when the Rams hosted West Bromwich Albion and ran out 1-0 winners over the festive period.

The second will be held on the final day of the season against Cardiff City on Saturday 7th May (12:30pm kick-off).

The club would like to offer supporters the opportunity to submit the details of their loved ones who are no longer with us by completing the submission form that can be found on the DCFC website https://www.dcfc.co.uk/page/ramsremember

The names of loved ones who have sadly passed away will appear across various assets during the RamsTV production ahead of kick-off at their selected fixture.

Supporters should note that there is a limited capacity for names per fixture.

Wathall’s Managing Director Helen Wathall MBE is a lifelong Rams fan and the fifth generation of her family to run the funeral directors which has been serving local communities since 1858.

She said: “As Derby’s longest established funeral directors, we are proud to partner with DCFC and particularly to support the Rams Remember fixtures.

“This is an opportunity for fans to nominate and celebrate their loved ones who have sadly passed away.”

Working in Partnership

Wathall’s, which is Derby’s longest established independent funeral director, works in partnership with DCFC to enable Rams fans to have a unique and personal send-off.

Wathall’s, which has branches in Derby city centre, Allestree, Alvaston, Ashbourne Borrowash and Burton-on-Trent, give families special access to Pride Park Stadium following the funeral of their loved one.

Options include the chance to place a commemorative brick and ashes around the perimeter of Pride Park Stadium; using the club logo and colours for flower arrangements and coffins; inclusion in the remembrance book at the stadium and ashes interment gatherings.

These are available either as part of a funeral pre-payment plan for someone who is in the process of planning their own funeral or to the bereaved’s family after their death.

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We would like to reassure you that we are fully aware of the changes in funeral plan regulation, and are working closely with our plan provider Golden Charter to prepare for the changes. Golden Charter has always been clear that it welcomes greater supervision of the market and was one of the first organisations to submit an application to the FCA. At the time of writing, the FCA has still to publish the outcome of any application, but we, and Golden Charter, are confident that, as one of the big three established funeral plan providers, they will be amongst the first to be approved  You can view the status of funeral plan company FCA applications at www.fca.org.uk.  The webpage is updated regularly.
 
Until the market becomes formally regulated, protection will continue to be provided to all Golden Charter plan holders by the Funeral Planning Authority (FPA). Golden Charter were a founder member of the FPA so you can be reassured that you’ll remain protected until the market moves under the supervision of the FCA on 29 July.

Golden Charter plan holders’ funds are held securely in The Golden Charter Trust, and ring-fenced for future funerals to provide additional protection. The Golden Charter Trust is one of the largest and most transparent trusts in the sector, with full details of funds held and how they are managed available at www.goldenchartertrust.co.uk
 
With something so important, we want to reassure you that your instructions and funeral funds are safe and fully protected. If you would like to discuss you concerns further with Golden Charter, you can contact them on 0800 833 800.

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Mother’s Day can bring up many feelings when you’re bereaved – such as envy of those that still have their loved ones, anger that the world is going on even though they’re not here anymore, loneliness, sadness, guilt and many more.

As the day gets closer, reminders are everywhere and it can all feel quite overwhelming so we wanted to put together some tips to help you get through this Mother’s Day:

• Actively remember the person. Whilst it might feel painful to think about the person that has died, chances are they’re going to be in your thoughts anyway, whether you’re conscious of it or not. By doing something to remember the person, you are taking control of the day and facing your grief head on. Your way of remembering them can be as simple as lighting a candle for them or setting aside some time to think about the good times you shared. Some people like to still celebrate the day as they would have if the person was still there, sometimes even setting a place for them at the dinner table. The point is to do what feels right for you.
• Make your plans flexible. There is no way of knowing for certain how you are going to feel on the actual day. Things you thought you couldn’t face might help or the plans you already made might seem like a chore.  
• Communicate with those around you. Because everybody grieves differently, it can be hard to know how best to support each person. By communicating your needs for the day with those around you, you can avoid offence, hurt and confusion if their idea of help is not quite what you need rather having the pressure of pretending adding to an already tricky time.
• Practice self-care. Grief is draining at the best of times and self-care is always important, but even more so on special days such as Mother’s Day. Be kind to yourself and do things that give you a little boost. Treat yourself to a bubble bath, cry if you feel you need to, nap if that’s what feels right and express the feelings that come up for you. You deserve to pamper yourself and treat yourself gently during this time.
• Talk to someone. A simple fact of grief is that talking helps. If you feel you need to, reach out to a friend or relative that you can be completely honest with about how you are feeling and who won’t try and ‘fix’ your problem or turn the conversation into one about them, but who will listen non judgementally and really hear what you are trying to say. Some people find it easier to talk to someone they don’t know for fear of worrying or upsetting those around them. If this is the case, get in touch with an organisation to find the support that suits you best. Our free Dandelions groups and programmes are great for meeting others in a similar situation and our counselling offers the chance to talk one to one and process your feelings at your own pace. There are also helplines available should you want support in that moment, such as the Cruse helpline on 0808 808 1677,  the SANDS helpline 0808 164 3332 or the Samaritans 116 123.
• Journal. Journaling is a wonderfully powerful tool in grief, it’s a consistent outlet for your feelings that is never off duty and non-judgmental. Because the journal is just for you, there are no rules on how you have to use it. You can use it to write letters to the person that has died, or someone you have unfinished business with. Use it to pour out your feelings onto paper, to note things you are grateful for each day or use it to keep track of your moods and identify triggers. There are many ways and uses for your journal and you can mix it up to fit what works for you each day. The journal is just for you, it doesn’t need to be neat or tidy, it doesn’t even have to make any sense, it just needs to allow you to get those feelings out.

We hope that this advice will be helpful to you this Mother’s Day, if you feel you need any further support please do not hesitate to contact our Bereavement Support Coordinator, Fay Bloor, on 01332 345268 or fay.bloor@wathalls.co.uk

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The table and bench has been engraved with a grief quote ‘Those who have no time to mourn have no time to mend.  It has been installed in the woodland clearing alongside the six foot stainless steel dandelion sculpture which Wathall’s commissioned two years ago thanks to a donation from the Ashbourne Shrovetide committee.

Both, as well as two benches erected at Poppy Wood near Melbourne, are dedicated to members of the Dandelions Bereavement Support Groups which Wathall’s run in Derby and Ashbourne to help local people come to terms with their grief.

Wathall’s bereavement support coordinator Fay Bloor is a regular visitor to Heritage Wood where trees have been planted in memory of her relatives and where her grandparents dedicated a tree to mark her first birthday.

She explained: “Heritage Wood is a wonderful place to not only visit a tree they have planted but to enjoy the peace and quiet and be at one with nature.

“Such moments of contemplation are particularly important at this time when Covid restrictions at funerals have meant that many people have not been able to say goodbye in the way they would have wished.

“We therefore wanted to work again with Heritage Wood to further enhance the contemplation clearing and help visitors to sit down and take time to remember their loved ones.”

Family-owned Heritage Wood was first established in 1988 as an area for people to dedicate a tree to a loved one – either in their memory after they pass away or to mark a milestone in their lives.

So far 8,000 trees have been planted and there is capacity for a further 20 years of planting.  Owners Tim and Jill Morley are also planning to build an education centre next year.

Mr Morley said: “We have had great feedback from visitors who have enjoyed the table and bench and who continue to compliment the beauty of the dandelion sculpture.

“It has really enhanced the contemplation area in the beautiful clearing in the original part of the wood which captures the light beautifully and is particularly serene and peaceful.

“Wathall’s have long been supporters of Heritage Wood and we are grateful for their further donation.”

Dandelions Support Groups are due to welcome new and existing members again to meetings in Ashbourne and Derby in early Autumn.  They are free to attend and open to everyone – regardless of whether they have used Wathall’s services or not.

For more information about the groups and other bereavement support services provided by Wathall’s, including counselling, Hug After Loss personalised gift boxes and the new children’s bereavement activity book, please visit our bereavement page or call 01332 345268.

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Wathall’s Bereavement Support Coordinator and qualified counsellor Fay Bloor has worked with University of Derby graduate and freelance illustrator Michael Ashley to create the book entitled ‘Missing Someone Special – working your way through loss’.

The book has been published as part of Wathall’s Dandelions Bereavement Support service and gently explains practical things such as what happens at both burial and cremation services as well as highlighting the importance of sharing emotions following a bereavement.

There is also space for children to write down their happy memories of the loved one they have lost and express their feelings through words and pictures.

The activity book costs £12.99 and at least £1 from the sale of each book will be given to Treetops Hospice and will put towards their Children’s Bereavement Service.

The activity book is accompanied by a booklet and a blog, both also written by Fay Bloor, aimed at adults which focus on how to support children through bereavement. https://www.wathalls.co.uk/how-to-tell-a-child-someone-has-died/ .

She explained: “We hope that the children’s activity book and the booklet will be useful aides for families during what is a particularly difficult time in all their lives having lost a loved one.

“Adults often feel like they must protect children from the harsh reality of death and are obviously mourning a loss themselves.  However, avoiding the discussions can cause confusion and anxiety for the child.

“The reality is that children are extremely resilient and can deal with the truth, if it is explained to them carefully in an age-appropriate way.

“The activity book is therefore designed to gently explain what has happened and the kind of words and phrases that they have perhaps heard people discussing.

“It also highlights the range of emotions that they may be feeling, from anger to guilt, and encourages them to express these in the book which families can then use as a starting point for reassurance and support.

“The booklet for adults addresses subjects such as breaking bad news about death in a straightforward and honest way; what language to avoid; involvement in funeral arrangements; common reactions and suggestions for working through grief as a family.”

The illustrations for the activity book were created by Michael Ashley (23) who studied a degree in Illustration at the University of Derby.

He said: “I wanted to create characters in the book that were gentle and approacheable and Fay and I agreed that the woodland animals would be more relatable to children of all ages and cultures.

“I am really pleased with the book and I hope it will open doors for me to pursue a career in children’s illustration.”

To order a copy of the activity book, please contact Wathall’s Tel: 01332 345268 email fay.bloor@wathalls.co.uk  or on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/Wathalls

For more information about Michael Ashley, visit https://michaelashleyillustration.wordpress.com/about/

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Wathall’s has dedicated its sculpture, located opposite the Council House on Corporation Street, to members of its Dandelions Bereavement Support groups in Derby and Ashbourne and to the families who have lost a loved one in the past year.

Rescheduled from last summer, the Derby Ram Trail is being brought to the city by Derby Museums, in partnership with Wild in Art and is an amazing public art sculpture event with 30 individually painted 5ft tall Rams, threading through the city centre between May 27 and August 22.

Wathall’s Ram sculpture has been created by Glasgow-based artist and ceramics expert Catherine Bell who has taken her inspiration from the Derbyshire-born John Flamsteed.

The famous figure was appointed the first English Astronomer Royal in 1675 and, during his eminent career, catalogued a number of new stars and mapped certain constellations.

Catherine Bell explained: “My passion is art and history so, during my research I discovered the Derby link to John Flamsteed and that the Peak District National Park has designated dark skies discovery sites.

“I obviously don’t want to give too much away and ruin the surprise for visitors to The Derby Ram Trail but suffice to say that my design is inspired by the stars.

“I want visitors to look at the Ram sculpture and then up at the sky to appreciate the infinity of the universe and how we are only a small part of the wider expanse.”

Helen Wathall MBE, who is the fifth generation of her family to head up the company, continued: “We are delighted with Catherine’s work and very much look forward to our sculpture being part of the Derby Ram Trail this summer.

“We consulted members of our Dandelions bereavement support groups way back when we were first choosing the designs and everyone agreed that Catherine’s design beautifully reflected how many people take comfort from the night sky during their grief journey.

“She has even cleverly incorporated a dandelion in the design and many of our members are already making plans to get together and enjoy The Derby Ram Trail having not seen each other face to face for so long.

“I think this design is even more poignant with so many people having suffered the loss of loved ones and not being able to say final goodbyes in the way they would have liked during the pandemic.

“I hope that visiting our Ram on the trail will encourage people to stop and take a quiet moment of reflection to remember loved ones and hopefully gain strength to move forward with their lives.”

Catherine was able to finish her hand-painted sculpture literally the day before the first lockdown in March 2020.

She concluded: “I came down to Derby to complete the work and headed out to see more of the city as I was waiting for the different layers of varnish to dry.

“Lockdown was on the horizon and the enormity of the pandemic began to hit home when less and less people were out and about every time I ventured out of the studio.

“I have been involved in several different trails since 2014 and this is definitely one of the most interestingly from an artist’s point of view because of the shape and curves of the ram sculpture.

“I really hope to be able to travel down from Glasgow to see the Derby Ram Trail in all its glory, meet the other artists and get feedback from visitors.

“The auction at the end of the trail should be great fun and it’s always amazing to raise money for such great causes and see the sculptures go to new homes.”

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Wathall’s have been established since 1858 with branches in Derby, Ashbourne, Burton-on-Trent, Borrowash and Alvaston.  The company also runs the award-winning Dandelions Bereavement Support which offers a range of services from free to attend groups to counselling.

As part of the Dandelions service, managing director Helen Wathall MBE wanted to create a giftbox that would bring comfort and practical ways to help people to begin to process their feelings and emotions whether they were recently bereaved or further along their grief journey.

The company therefore reached out to Colleague Box which was set up a year ago by Derby-based husband and wife team Adam and Natalie Bamford offering personalised giftboxes delivered across the UK.

The centre piece of the giftbox is the Dandelions Grief Journal which has been specially developed by Wathall’s as an outlet for people’s emotions following bereavement.

Also included is a packet of seeds to grow in memory of a loved one; pillow spray, hot chocolate and chamomile tea to aid restful sleep; coffee, tissues, mindfulness quotes and treats such as bath powder, a candle and chocolate.

All the contents are neatly packaged in a box with a personalised printed message and details of how to get in touch with Dandelions Bereavement Support if they wish.

Helen Wathall, who is the fifth generation of her family to head up the company, explained: “Grief is a very individual journey. It can hit people full-on straight away or many months and years later.

“We wanted to create something different and practical that would be appreciated by the recipient both immediately after their loss or further along the journey to their ‘new normal’.

“Our aim is that sending a ‘A Hug After Loss’ box will help people to show their family, friends and colleagues that they understand what they are going through, care about their feelings and want to help.

“We are delighted to have been able to partner with a fellow Derby company to launch ‘Hug After Loss’ and the Colleague Box team have been incredibly supportive and creative in helping us to find the right contents for the giftbox.”

Colleague Box creative director Natalie Bamford, whose grandfather, Grant, died earlier this year, said: “It was a pleasure working with Helen and Wathall’s bereavement support coordinator Fay Bloor on the ‘A Hug After Loss’ box.

“I sadly lost my grandad earlier this year to Covid and I would have really appreciated receiving a box like this. I would also have loved to send this to relatives such as aunts and uncles at such a terribly difficult time.

“My grandad was 86 when he passed away. He’d battled – and survived – cancer but the cause of his death was coronavirus. I used a grief journal to remember him and the happy times we had so am very pleased that this is included in the box.”

‘A Hug After Loss’ is available to order from  https://www.colleaguebox.co.uk/product-page/a-hug-after-loss-box and for more information about Dandelions Bereavement Support, please visit www.dandelionsbereavementsupport.co.uk

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Funeral Services – Branch Manager/Funeral Arranger

As a Funeral Arranger/Branch Manager you will manage one of our branches located within the Derby City Boundary. Experience is preferred, but full training will be given to the right person. The successful candidate will be well presented, caring and an empathetic person who holds a full and clean driving licence.  You will have excellent time keeping skills and work well within a team, with initiative and under pressure. You will also be committed to upholding our high standards and reputation, with attention to detail always.

Funeral Services – Conductor/Bearer

As a Funeral Conductor/Bearer, you would provide an exceptional standard of service to the families we care for. You would also work behind the scenes bringing peoples loved ones into our care and preparing them for the funeral, and also coffin preparation and vehicle cleaning.

For more information visit https://uk.indeed.com/wathalls-jobs or email info@wathalls.co.uk, with CV and covering letter/email.

The post We Are Recruiting appeared first on Wathalls.

Family-owned Wathall’s has dedicated its sculpture to members of its Dandelions Bereavement Support groups in Derby and Ashbourne and to the families who have lost a loved one in the past year.

Rescheduled from last summer, the Derby Ram Trail is being brought to the city by Derby Museums, in partnership with Wild in Art and is an amazing public art sculpture event with 30 individually painted 5ft tall Rams, threading through the city centre between May 27 and August 22.

Wathall’s Ram sculpture has been created by Glasgow-based artist and ceramics expert Catherine Bell who has taken her inspiration from the Derbyshire-born John Flamsteed.

The famous figure was appointed the first English Astronomer Royal in 1675 and, during his eminent career, catalogued a number of new stars and mapped certain constellations.

Catherine Bell explained: “My passion is art and history so, during my research I discovered the Derby link to John Flamsteed and that the Peak District National Park has designated dark skies discovery sites.

“I obviously don’t want to give too much away and ruin the surprise for visitors to The Derby Ram Trail but suffice to say that my design is inspired by the stars.

“I want visitors to look at the Ram sculpture and then up at the sky to appreciate the infinity of the universe and how we are only a small part of the wider expanse.”

Helen Wathall MBE, who is the fifth generation of her family to head up the company, continued: “We are delighted with Catherine’s work and very much look forward to our sculpture being part of the Derby Ram Trail this summer.

“We consulted members of our Dandelions bereavement support groups way back when we were first choosing the designs and everyone agreed that Catherine’s design beautifully reflected how many people take comfort from the night sky during their grief journey.

“She has even cleverly incorporated a dandelion in the design and many of our members are already making plans to get together and enjoy The Derby Ram Trail having not seen each other face to face for so long.

“I think this design is even more poignant with so many people having suffered the loss of loved ones and not being able to say final goodbyes in the way they would have liked during the pandemic.

“I hope that visiting our Ram on the trail will encourage people to stop and take a quiet moment of reflection to remember loved ones and hopefully gain strength to move forward with their lives.”

Catherine was able to finish her hand-painted sculpture literally the day before the first lockdown in March 2020.

She concluded: “I came down to Derby to complete the work and headed out to see more of the city as I was waiting for the different layers of varnish to dry.

“Lockdown was on the horizon and the enormity of the pandemic began to hit home when less and less people were out and about every time I ventured out of the studio.

“I have been involved in several different trails since 2014 and this is definitely one of the most interestingly from an artist’s point of view because of the shape and curves of the ram sculpture.

“I really hope to be able to travel down from Glasgow to see the Derby Ram Trail in all its glory, meet the other artists and get feedback from visitors.

“The auction at the end of the trail should be great fun and it’s always amazing to raise money for such great causes and see the sculptures go to new homes.”

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According to renowned author and grief expert Dr Bill Webster: “Grief is a normal reaction to what is always an unwelcome event.”

However, we sometimes need a little bit of extra help to process our feelings and to move forwards with our lives.

Here are some of the signs that it may be time to reach out for support:

• Feeling stuck in your grief.

Whilst there isn’t a timescale on grief, how you feel does tend to change over time. If, after a few months, you still feel exactly the same as you did at the time of the loss, it may be a sign that you need a little bit of extra help to start working through that grief.

• Difficulty moving past anger and guilt.

Anger and guilt are very common emotions in grief. Even if you know the feelings are not logical, they are still very real. Such emotions are not necessarily ‘bad’ or ‘unhealthy’ to experience, but if you are finding them hard to move past, or that they are becoming consuming, it can help to work through them with a counsellor.

• Difficulty investing in your life again.

One of the biggest challenges we have when someone we love dies is rebuilding our lives without them in it. This can be difficult for many reasons – including feeling guilty for starting to look beyond your grief, or not knowing where to start in what feels like a hopeless situation. Counselling can help you find the confidence and direction to take the first steps.

• Having thoughts about hurting yourself.

Having thoughts about hurting yourself is a strong signal that your current methods of coping are not working well enough. Please take such thoughts seriously and reach out for help from a professional counsellor.

• If you are finding it hard to function and be present in day-to-day life.

If your grief is impacting your work, health or other relationships in a negative way, it is important to seek help to work through your feelings. Counselling can help you release emotions and find practical solutions to the problems you are facing, rather than them taking over your life.

• If you find yourself too busy to process the loss.

People are often too busy to process their loss. As a direct result of the death, you have more to do such as taking care of others also grieving the person, increased childcare responsibilities or organising your loved one’s affairs. It may also be that you are keeping busy to avoid dealing with your emotions.  This is extremely common as it’s natural to avoid something you know will cause you pain. Unfortunately, grief doesn’t just go away and it does need to be worked through in order for it to hold less power over you. Counselling can help you find an hour a week in your busy schedule to park everything else and have time just for you and your feelings.

For more information on what to expect from a grief counselling session or to book an appointment please contact Fay Bloor on 01332 345268.

The post Signs it might be helpful to see a grief counsellor appeared first on Wathalls.

Firstly, Helen Wathall MBE, managing director and fifth generation to run the business has been shortlisted in East Midlands Chamber’s Business Woman of the Year – sponsored by Futures Housing Group. Winners of the regional Enterprising Women awards will be announced on October 8 2021.

Wathall’s have also been shortlisted for the Derbyshire Live Business Awards in the Contribution to the Community category which is sponsored by Lubrizol.  The awards ceremony will be held at Derby Arena on October 21.

Helen Wathall said: “Entering awards such as these are an important way to showcase our commitment to the values that we have held true for the past 163 years.

“They also recognise the contribution made by everyone in the company and to reaffirm the value that we place on being active members of the local and regional business communities.

“Reaching the finals is very rewarding in its own right – although it would be wonderful to actually come back with the winners’ trophies as well!”

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One of the biggest taboos to discuss during our lives is death and the pandemic has heightened this further as families are even more fearful of upsetting older relatives especially when they are unable to have conversations face to face.

Although death can be an uncomfortable subject – discussing and, more importantly, planning and making provision for our end of life, funeral and what happens to our estate when we die is vital to ensure our wishes are met.

I know from personal experience just how important it is to have those conversations.

In 1995 my father Bill Wathall passed away aged just 62 years.  He had spent over 40 years as a Funeral Director – advising families about their loved ones’ funerals and giving hundreds of talks to local groups about the importance of making funeral wishes known.

However, when he passed away we discovered that the subject of his funeral had not been discussed with any of us.  We all assumed that someone else had the information.

This made what was already the most tragic of situations even worse as we had to try and establish what he would have wanted, whilst mourning his loss too.

Fortunately, the Derby Telegraph published a short obituary about him – quoting a previous interview he had given where he said he wished to be cremated.

To make these conversations easier, Wathall’s has produced a free ‘My Funeral Wishes’ booklet to enable people to write down their wishes and instructions.

This collates all the necessary information is in one place from who has a copy of their will, whether their funeral is already paid for and then what they want on the day itself such as music, dress code and charities to benefit from donations.

Documenting information in this way can either prompt discussion with the family or they can put it in a safe place or with us for safekeeping and simply tell their loved ones that it exists and to refer to it when they pass away.

For even greater peace of mind – taking out a pre-payment funeral plan ensures that a person’s wishes are clearly made and also that families are not worried about the cost at what is already a very traumatic time.

By choosing to plan ahead, you’ll benefit from peace of mind knowing that everything is taken care of in advance; reassurance that your family won’t have to cope with the uncertainty of worries about your funeral arrangements; save money by fixing the cost of our services included in the plan at today’s prices and financial security as your money is held securely with a guarantee that there will be nothing more to pay for Wathall’s services.

The worst-case scenario for any family is facing a sudden and unexpected death – particularly if finances are tight or that someone with no family has the worry of who will sort out the arrangements.

There can be financial support from the Department of Work and Pensions and hospital or the relevant local council can sometimes help but this can be a stressful process.  And, of course, funeral directors offer a wide range of different options to keep costs down.

However, by planning ahead both by leaving instructions and, ideally a pre-paid funeral plan, families are saved the stress of trying to second-guess what their loved ones wanted and have the comfort in knowing that the funeral is carried out the way that you would want it.

My Funeral Wishes is available to download free of charge at https://www.wathalls.co.uk/funeral-wishes/ or by calling 01332 345268 and, for more information about pre-paid funeral plans, please visit https://www.wathalls.co.uk/about/resources/pre-paid/ or call Wathall’s.

The post Breaking Down The Taboos Of Death appeared first on Wathalls.

Grief never ends, but the way we feel about the loss changes as we process it.

People use many different tools and methods to work through their grief and express their feelings around the loss.

One of the most popular ways is journaling which has been proven to have many benefits to a person’s wellbeing and can particularly help in bereavement.

During the pandemic, we have all been spending much more time at home and many of us are unable to access our usual resources of support.

It’s therefore well worth using some of the extra time you find yourself with to give journaling a go. Whilst it is such a simple method, it’s a surprisingly powerful tool.

Release and express some of the intense feelings of grief:

Throughout the grief journey, we often experience amplified emotions that can be extremely overwhelming. It is important to find an outlet for these emotions and the process of physically writing your feelings in a journal can be very cathartic.

Your consistent friend:

In times like these, when our access to those we usually turn to for support is so limited, having somewhere you can ‘get out’ your feelings at any time can be invaluable. You can take your journal with you to most places and it is constantly available to you. You don’t need to wait for it to be free to listen to you and you don’t need to worry about overloading it or hurting its feelings. Whilst it is important to the grieving process to be listened to and understood by other human beings, the journal is a good alternative for times when there isn’t someone around to listen.

A non-judgmental outlet:

Often, in grief, we experience emotions and thoughts that we may be ashamed of or worried that others will not understand. Emotions like anger and relief, although common, can make us uncomfortable and it can be difficult to talk them through if you are not sure people will understand. Your journal is there just for you, it’s non-judgemental and you do not have to show it to anybody.

Cementing bonds:

You can use your journal to form a continuing bond with your loved one, or work through unfinished business. Many people find it helpful to write letters to their loved one that has died, often telling them what they have been up to or saying things that they wish they could have told them if they were still here. Another use for writing letters in your journal is to deal with unfinished business either with the person that has died, or with someone that is still living. It is not uncommon when someone dies, for a grieving person to be upset with someone around them, be it another family member, a friend or a professional. It is also not uncommon for the griever not to feel able to speak to that person about what has upset them without causing further hurt and disruption. Writing a letter in your journal of what you would like to say to them can therefore be really helpful, even though they will never see it. This method gives you a bit of emotional distance and provides an outlet for those negative emotions without causing further harm.

Identify your grief triggers

By recording your feelings, prominent thoughts and the events of your days, it will help you to identify your grief triggers and unhelpful thought patterns. You can then use this knowledge to your advantage by adapting your thought patterns and by being prepared when you know you are likely to come into contact with one of your grief triggers.

Find solutions

In the depths of grief, ‘brain fog’ can leave us muddled and it can feel impossible to concentrate on finding solutions to the many practical problems and adjustments we face. Writing them out can give us the emotional distance we need to think about them in a different way and to feel more able to solve them or identify the help we need in order to solve them.

Keeping Track

Faced with a difficult day or week, it can feel difficult to remember a time that didn’t feel as bad. Being able to refer back to your journal and seeing that not all days or weeks are like the one you are experiencing can give you hope, especially as you see the difficult times getting further and further apart.

Helping you sleep

Using your journal to pour all of your thoughts on to paper can help to quieten your mind enough to sleep. Similarly, if you find yourself waking up in the night with your mind full, emptying everything into your journal may calm your mind enough to allow you a little more rest.

There are various types of journal which work best for different people depending on their personality.

Some examples of the kinds of journals you might find helpful are:

Mood and Thought Journal

The ‘traditional’ style of journal that involves you making a note of thoughts, feelings and events that you have experienced throughout the day. This type is particularly helpful in helping to identify your grief triggers, identifying practical problems and solutions and keeping track of how far you have come along your journey.

Dream Journal

This involves you writing down your dreams, including the events and thoughts and feelings that arise in them. This type of journal can help give you a clue about patterns in your subconscious thoughts, if there is a common emotion or theme that seems to frequently arise in your dreams, it may be worth exploring where that emotion or theme sits with you in waking consciousness. This type of journal is best written first thing in the morning when your dream will be at its clearest in your memory.

Letter Journal

This journal is used to write letters that you never intend to send. This can be an outlet for all the things you want to say but can’t, either to the loved one that has died or to someone else who has affected you along your journey. It can be a great way to deal with anger and guilt but also to have a continuing bond with the person that has died.

Gratitude Journal

This is all about being grateful for the day. In a gratitude journal you write a pre-determined number (usually three to five) of things that you are grateful for in that day, no matter how big or small. The things you are grateful for can be anything, a good cup of coffee, spending time with someone you love or seeing something beautiful in nature. This type of journal can help shift your thinking pattern to a more positive one as it forces you to find some good in even the hardest of days.

Colour Journal

Sometimes words are hard to find but the emotions are still there, assigning a different colour to each emotion and simply colouring the page with how you have felt that day can still help you to process those feelings. This can be done with pens, crayons, paint or even by sticking coloured pieces of paper onto the page, it can be as creative as you like. Make sure to create a key so you know which emotion each colour stands for.

Here are some tips to get you started if you have never used a journal before:

Mix it up

Your journal doesn’t have to be a set type or theme, if you normally write about your feelings and mood but today you would rather use it to write to your loved one then do it! Your journal is yours to use in whatever way feels right for you and what feels right one day, may feel different another.

Make time

Allocate a short amount of time each day to write. Journaling works best as a daily exercise so setting a short time limit on it makes it feel more achievable which will keep you more motivated. 

Be honest

It’s important to be completely honest in what you write, no one else is going to read it so you don’t need to worry about if what you are saying sounds right or may be hurtful to someone. If you are thinking or feeling it, even just for that moment write it down. Often the thoughts and feelings that are difficult to admit to are the most important to explore.

Write how you want

If you don’t want to use full sentences and proper grammar, don’t. It’s your outlet and only you will read it, which means it doesn’t have to make sense to anyone but you, there is also no pressure to keep it neat or spelt correctly.

Write quickly

This means you will not have time to critique what you are saying before you write it. This will allow you to write more honestly because you will not have as much time to think about what you should or shouldn’t think or say.

One of the key features of Wathall’s expanded Dandelions Bereavement Support programme is the opportunity for people to buy our specially-designed grief journal which is safe place for people who have lost a loved one to express their memories, thoughts and feelings.

Anyone who joins the Dandelions Grief Journey support and education programme (which will re-start when the government’s pandemic restrictions allow) receive a free journal.  Otherwise, they are available to buy from Wathall’s for £6.50.  To order a copy, please call Fay Bloor on 01332 345268 or email fay.bloor@wathalls.co.uk

The post The Importance of Journaling In Your Grief Journey appeared first on Wathalls.

Many families have not been able to be at their loved one’s side as they passed away, attend the funeral or get the support they need from family and friends.

For those separated by distance or shielding in particular, bereavement has been even more lonely and poignant.

Here, Wathall’s Bereavement Support Coordinator Fay Bloor highlights the importance of understanding the different stages of the grief journey and suggests some ways to cope with bereavement – particularly in these challenging times.

The nature of grief

Grief is a natural and very individual response to any significant loss – bringing with it many different emotions from sadness and loneliness to anger and guilt.

It is vital to allow yourself to feel all the emotions that emerge which may be unpredictable and vary drastically from day to day or even hour to hour.

Grief is as individual as you are. It is unique to each person and depends greatly on what the lost relationship meant to you and your life, as well as the circumstances of the death. Therefore, family members grieving the same person often do so in very different ways and have different needs.

Traumatic loss

If, because of the lockdown regulations, you could not be with someone in their last illness or as they died or that their death was very sudden or unexpected it can greatly complicate the grieving process.

Losing someone in such traumatic circumstances may leave you finding it even more difficult to believe that person is really gone. You are also likely to feel frustrated and angry that the Coronavirus pandemic stole that precious time from you.

No words will take away the pain of that experience but try to focus on the lifetime’s worth of wonderful memories and that they knew it wasn’t by choice that you were not there.

Ambiguous loss

The grief we feel for the loss of a loved one is complicated by the addition of all the non-death losses we are already experiencing which disrupts our assumptive world.

Losing a job or financial security, less social interaction and freedoms as well as disruption to routines and plans during the pandemic has left many feeling frightened, unsafe and helpless.

Grieving a death in addition to these assumptive losses obviously changes, heightens and compounds emotions about losing a loved one and about life in general.

Furthermore, because everyone is so overwhelmed by changes in life, it may feel like your grief is not getting the recognition it usually would and you may not be getting the support that you otherwise would.

Whilst grieving the loss of your loved one, remember to acknowledge and validate the other losses you are also experiencing, as this will help you to make sense of, and work though, your emotional landscape.

Disenfranchised grief

Grief that is not openly acknowledged, validated or publicly observed can become disenfranchised.

It is possible that, with the death toll from the virus being so high, people may feel that their loved one’s death is treated as ‘just another’ statistic or is ‘dismissed’ because it is not Covid-related.

Furthermore, limitations on the numbers of mourners at funerals, may make us feel that the loss is only observed by only immediate family rather than all who knew the person.

It is important to address the feelings that your loss has not been acknowledged or treated with the care it deserves.

Recognising the triggers

All grief has its triggers which prompt memories and feelings from the time around the death to come flooding back.

Triggers can be anything that activates the senses – smells, places, sounds, music, tastes – or even certain people.

When faced with a traumatic loss-trigger in particular, it is common to feel high levels of fear and anxiety as well as physical ‘symptoms’ such as a racing heart, perspiration or a dry mouth. These are common reactions, though like anything in grief, responses to traumatic triggers can vary greatly for each individual.

Whilst the reminders are painful, they are the ways in which your mind tries to make sense of what has happened in order to heal. Avoiding the pain and difficult thoughts will only prolong them. It is difficult, but by processing the thoughts and feelings, over time they will lessen.

Children and grief

It is vitally important that a child’s grief is acknowledged after the loss of someone they loved. They grieve uniquely, just like adults, although they tend to oscillate between feelings slightly faster.

Like all of us, the Coronavirus pandemic has completely turned children’s lives upside down. Routine has gone out of the window, they can’t play with their friends, hug relatives or spend time with them in the ways they normally would, so any feelings of abandonment and frustration may be heightened.

If a child does not have the emotional language to communicate how they are feeling, they may start acting out or behaving differently. If you notice this happening, it may help to talk gently and honestly about what they are thinking or feeling in simplistic terms.

Children may need to take the information in bit by bit. Be honest and open with them both about the loss and your own feelings. Children will follow our example of grief so set a healthy one that encourages talking about feelings and it being alright to cry.

Because children are literal, avoid using euphemisms such as ‘went to sleep’ or ‘lost’ as this may lead to additional fears such as being scared of bedtime, in case they also don’t wake up, or to them looking for a ‘missing’ relative.

Explain clearly but gently what you mean and break down terms that they may not have heard before, such as medical terms or pandemic related vocabulary, so there is no room for confusion.  Don’t assume the child will understand terms that we frequently use around them, check that everything has been clearly understood to avoid unnecessary confusion and fear.

Whilst current guidelines may mean it isn’t possible for the child to attend the funeral service, they can still be involved in choosing certain aspects of it, such as picking a song for the funeral or choosing a floral tribute. If possible, it might help to have the funeral service recorded so you can watch it with the child and answer any questions that they may have about it.

Moving Forwards

Because of the safety regulations, it is likely that you did not get to hold the funeral service you wanted for your loved one. With a restricted number of attendees and limited personal touches, it is natural to feel sad and frustrated by the process.

Therefore, focusing on planning a memorial service or tribute can be a positive way to support your grief journey.

As funeral directors, we are in touch with many organisations who can provide can various types of remembrance services. From a memorial service in church, to tree dedications or even ashes fireworks, we can help you to find a fitting way to help you celebrate your loved one’s life.

Whatever you decide to do, giving yourself and your family the opportunity to mark that person’s death, once free from restrictions, can really help you gain closure and work through your grief.

Recognising and understanding your emotions moving forwards is also very important. Starting a journal logging your feelings and emotions can help you to validate and understand them.  Sharing your feelings by reaching out to friends and family who you can trust for support is also healthy but please remember that everyone grieves differently so respect any differences.

Grief is hard work, it can leave us feelings both emotionally and physically drained, which means it is so very important to look after ourselves on a day to day basis.

Try and re-establish your sleep patterns and keep pen and paper or a journal by your bed to get persistent thoughts out of your head and onto paper, clearing your mind for sleep.

It is common after a loss to either lose your appetite or find yourself comfort eating. Try to maintain a fairly healthy and balanced diet and drink plenty of water to help to control your mood and energy levels.

Creating some form of routine can help restore some sense of control during a stressful and uncertain time, particularly in lockdown which has often disrupted our usual routines.

Be mindful of your feelings and check in with yourself at least twice a day.  Limit exposure to stressful news and negative people in your life to avoid being overwhelmed.

In these difficult times, remember that you are not alone and can reach out to organisations or charities that specialise in bereavement support.

These include Dandelions Bereavement Support which brings together people to share and provide mutual support in their grief journey. If you would like to find out more, please contact me through the contact form on this website.

In conclusion, losing someone we love is never easy, but losing someone during this pandemic is extraordinarily difficult so be patient with yourself along your grief journey.

We never get over losing a loved one, but we do get through it. There will be good and bad days but your love for that person will always remain and you will never forget them. Above all, be kind and gentle with yourself and others.

For more information, advice and guidance on how we can help you with bereavement support, please call Wathall’s on 01332 345268 or fill out our contact form on our Bereavement Support tab.

The post Grieving Together… But Apart appeared first on Wathalls.

Fay Bloor is Wathall’s Bereavement Support Coordinator – leading the company’s  Dandelions bereavement support groups in Derby and Ashbourne and the Grief Journey programmes which are held free of charge throughout the year to help those who have lost a loved one come to terms with their loss.

Having completed the nationally-recognised mental health first aid training, Fay will now also focus on identifying, understanding and helping colleagues who may be experiencing issues in their lives.

Fay said: “I am delighted to have been given the opportunity to support colleagues in this way.

“I already have a lot of experience in supporting people with their anxiety and often depression as part of their bereavement journey.

“It is also important to recognise that my colleagues’ work to support families through the process of arranging a funeral for their loved ones can take its toll – regardless of their years of experience in the funeral director industry.

“The training programme has been very rewarding and the response from colleagues that Wathall’s has invested in their mental health well-being has been extremely positive.”

Fay was officially presented with her certificate by Wathall’s managing director Helen Wathall MBE, who is the fifth generation of her family to run the business which has been  serving local communities since 1858.

She said: “Just as we support individuals and families at what is probably the most traumatic time of their lives when arranging a funeral, I felt it was important that we formalised our duty of care to our own staff to ensure both their physical and mental health well-being.

“It is obviously mandatory to have first aid-qualified staff in the workplace and I hope that mental health first aid will be regarded as equally important moving forwards.

“Mental ill health can strike at any time and affect people from all walks of life so I hope that this sends a clear message to all our colleagues that they can be open and honest and how they are feeling and that support is always available to them.”

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